Equinox blessings…

It’s not that I’m SUPER dedicated to following the wheel of the year, but I’m usually at least somewhat cognizant of it. But I’ve felt less in synch with it than usual this year and I think this is a common experience lately (my friend Áine mentioned the same thing in a recent video).

I guess I’ve actually felt less in synch with everything than usual lately. I’m just…tired. So tired. I think we all are, to different extents and for different reasons. There’s been a lot of think pieces out there about surge capacity (human beings’ ability to take on additional stress during crises, and how we’ve all depleted this reserve) and ambivalent loss (loss that does not have a clear ending or resolution) and I know that’s part of the tiredness.

Even if, like me, you’ve been lucky enough to be physically healthy and have relative stability, the past couple years have just been… a lot.

BUT! Before you click away from this post, be assured that I’m not here today just to wallow in collective gloom. All of this was actually a lead up to say that I’m personally actually feeling a little bit…better lately. A little more in tune with possibility. A little more open to different perspectives.

I finally feel some stuff shifting in me. I’m a little less tired and something is activating. This happens to coincide with the autumn equinox.

Last week I picked up a new to me book, The Tarot Handbook by Angeles Arrien. Originally published in 1987, some of the content feels out of tune with the current zeitgeist, but there’s still some really interesting tidbits I’m finding.

As one example, there’s a phrase Arrien uses when talking about the transition from the Moon to the Sun in the major arcana that pinged something in me: “making choices that honor our authenticity rather than our dutifullness, we are able to be natural generators, motivators, and stimulators.”

Generate. Motivate. Stimulate. Those are the three words that hooked me and I thought…this needs to be a spread. So I switched the order around because it makes more sense to me like this: stimulate (the beginning, the initial spark), motivate (the follow through, tending and developing the initial stimulation), generate (the transformation, what is activated through this process).

Some might say this would make more sense were we dealing with the energy of the summer solstice, not the autumn equinox (Arrien did pen this phrase in relation to the Sun card, after all). To which I say: fair point, but again: I’m kind of feeling out of synch, and this spread seems like something that could be fruitful for me right now.

I’m going to give it a go here and share my thoughts with you below. Perhaps it’s a spread you might like to try for yourself, too. I’ll be using the Pastel Smith-Waite tarot.

Stimulate: The World
Motivate: Two of Swords rx
Generate: The Empress

Sometimes you lay out a spread and immediately feel this sense of yesness, and that’s what’s happening to me right now.

What is being stimulated is not something new, but a return to form. The World represents my inherent wholeness and completeness, that which can never truly be taken away, only obscured or temporarily forgotten. At this moment, what is being stimulated is my memory of this wholeness. And there’s various levels to this memory. On the surface, I’m reconnecting with memories of who I am, what I value, what is meaningful to me.

But I’m also experiencing memory that goes beyond my conscious mind, beyond my sense of self and identity. It is what could be considered a transpersonal memory (transpersonal: “of, denoting, or dealing with states or areas of consciousness beyond the limits of personal identity” via dictionary).

These two levels of memory work together in this card, keeping me grounded in a sense of being Carrie Mallon, while at the same time remembering this is only one aspect of the bigger picture of Who I Am.

It’s a nice card to see here because for quite some time now I think I have been stuck too much in separation and quite disconnected from any memory or awareness of the transpersonal. That fog has moved some now, making space for the blue sky to shine through…

…which connects to the imagery in the Two of Swords, another blue sky is present here. This card speaks to how I can actively engage with remembering my wholeness. And I think the message is: by practicing selective attention  (“the ability to select and preferentially process specific information while simultaneously suppressing the processing of irrelevant, competing distractors” via PNAS).

Often the Two of Swords is framed as avoidance but sometimes avoiding thinking about things is necessary. In fact, our brains flat out could not function if they did not avoid processing certain information.

One specific way I could follow the advice here: spend less time on social media! Story of my damn life. Every few months I’m like “should I just burn all my social media accounts to the ground?” Then five minutes later I’m scrolling through TikTok again. Maybe this time I’ll do a better job on following through here because I know that part of the tiredness I described earlier is caused by the constant barrage of opinions, information and external energy that comes at me like a firehose every time I touch my phone.

Selective attention would be helpful right about now, indeed.

It’s kind of funny because I mentioned some aspects of this book I’m reading being “out of tune with the current zeitgeist” but this card reminds me that it’s also possible to be TOO in tune with the current zeitgeist. I do think there’s some truth to the idea that social media encourages groupthink. Sometimes there’s a sense of fear that I’ll say something which isn’t phrased in the right way or which is out of step with what folks have decided is the “correct” opinion and in turn I will be exiled.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for calling out problematic shit and being open to evolving my mindset, but it doesn’t ALWAYS feel like that’s what’s happening on social media. Through selective attention, I can discern what opinions actually ring true to me. Through selective attention, I can let information move through my own unique processing mechanisms, and express things in a way that is authentic to Who I Am. Not just a regurgitation of prepackaged viewpoints from infographics on Instagram.

Anyyyywaaayyyy… I’ll leave this there for now because this is another thing there’s already eight million think pieces about and it’s not something I want to go further into at this moment.

The point here, is even though it does take a lot of resolve to be more selective in my attention (like how much strength it must take this person to hold up those two swords) I’ll be more available to the Wholeness of the World if I take on this advice.

I have to say, seeing the Empress in the Generate position is a delightful synchronicity, since the Empress IS generative (“capable of producing and creating” via dictionary).

Sidenote: why do I keep inserting definitions? No real reason, just vibing with it today.

What I’m noticing the most right now is just how…comfortable the Empress is in their own skin, and their environment. The Empress isn’t trying to impress anyone or jump through hoops for recognition. The Empress is simply and gloriously embodied in who she is. She shows what is available to me: a calm, grounded authenticity.

Much like the World, the Empress is a return to form. I have experienced phases where I did feel embodied, where I did feel grounded and authentic. And the Empress is here like “yeah. That’s your birthright. Let that memory move through you. Do that selective attention thing and come back to this.” Then I join her, and to take this all full circle, I move forward “making choices that honor (my) authenticity rather than (my) dutifullness.” 

Well, that was a journey. Thank you if you made it this far with me, I really do appreciate it. I hesitate to promise more consistency in my blogs/newsletters because it seems every time I promise that I fall short. But I will say that as attested to by this spread, I am finally feeling like I have more to say. So perhaps you’ll hear from me again sooner rather than later. Until then, take good care.

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