I am sitting in my home office, next to the window, which doesn’t offer a lot of light at this moment. For one thing, clouds are meandering their way across the sky. For another thing, the tree right outside my window is in a spring growth spurt. New branches and leaves wildly sprawling this way and that. It’s windy (just like it was last week) so the tree – which of course IS a living thing – looks even more alive. Like it is wiggling its fingers and toes. Dancing.
As I write to you today, my intention is to share something that is valuable or at least mildly interesting. I don’t yet know what that will look like because I’m following a method described by Mary K Greer for writing from your heart with tarot.
So I was shuffling The Spacious Tarot and the Lovers reversed jumped right on out of the deck. This doesn’t happen to me too often, so I will usually pay attention when it does. It’s funny seeing the Lovers, this card of connection, when I have been feeling pretty lonely lately. I know a lot of us are lonely. Staying home more. Maybe not spending as much time around friends and family because we don’t want to unwillingly spread illness. Life in 2020.
Physical connection is sacred and we are wired to crave it. It’s hard not to have it, and that doesn’t just talking about sex. Even just the physical connection of like, sitting in a coffee shop chatting to a friend. Being in someone’s physical presence, being all up in their vibes and aura. It can’t really compare to interacting with someone from behind a screen. But we kind of can’t do a lot of that physical stuff right now.
Even before the whole social distancing thing, I had been thinking about people from my past who I’m no longer as connected to for whatever reason. It’s my Cancer Sun. I am emotionally clingy. Letting go is hard, sometimes feels impossible for me. I’m aware of it, and I accept it, and I try to let it come forward as a constructive trait even though it obviously has a shadowy side.
So, maybe you can relate to this feeling of missing someone but knowing that you have to be away from them. Either because of the pandemic so you know (hope?) it’s temporary but it’s still hard. Or maybe you’re away from them for another reason entirely, like your life paths just naturally drifted apart or you had a falling out or whatever the case is.
Leave it to me to go to the dark place when talking about THE LOVERS of all cards. But, y’know, every card has a whole spectrum of meanings. Our Lovers card has a dark background, after all. And love is god damn complicated. Sometimes you love someone even when it’s probably not ideal to do so and you feel weird about it and wish you didn’t.
Anyway, what I love the most about our depiction of the Lovers is that it’s about energy. Love and connection may be amplified when you’re able to connect with someone in the same time and place, but there are other ways to be together that challenge assumptions about the time space continuum. Anyone wanna hang out on the astral plane? Maybe you find some energetic closure with people from your past by visiting them in a dream or on the astral plane or writing a letter you may or may not ever send.
I think we could all do with sending out some love and light, whatever that means to you. Maybe you tell them someone you’re sending loving energy, maybe you do it quietly. I believe putting out love carries an impact any way you approach it.
I’ve now pulled another card and this time it’s Temperance. Soooo in a roundabout way, this card reminds me of something else I’ve been thinking about a lot which is the theme word I chose for this year: DISENGAGE. Yeah…not sure how that choice aged? DISENGAGE came to me very strongly at the beginning of the year, but I did not expect it to align with a global crisis that forced disengagement from so many of our normal activities.
So those are some shadowy things, but DISENGAGE has also felt like a useful theme word for me in many ways. When I think about Temperance, I think about a measured approach. There’s some sense of balance in our version, the fire and ice almost mirror each other. Too much of one would destroy the other, so that measured approach is crucial.
It goes back to my Cancer Sun clinginess. Although there are things I wish I didn’t have to disengage from, there are just as many things I’m still engaging with which fuck with my vibe. I guess the metaphor I’m trying to go with here is, maybe I’m the ice in this card and I’m engaging with too much fire which is destructive to my vibe. A little fire? I can co-create with that. Too much fire? YIKES I’m melting, time to disengage.
There’s a delicate balance in Temperance, just like there’s a delicate balance within me and within you. This card asks: where do you feel out of whack? What are you maybe overly engaging with even though it’s wreaking havok on your vibe? Maybe for some of us the answer is: screen time, news consumption, self-pity, the list goes on.
Looking at these two cards together, the Lovers and Temperance, there’s a synthesis available. The Lovers asked: where are you called to energetically connect? While Temperance asks, where are you called to energetically disengage? And maybe even where are you called to do both of these things at once?
That’s what I’ve got today. It was a little random, but it was beneficial…at least for me! Thank you for taking the time to read these words.