My friends and I have been commiserating about aging. One friend recently said something about understanding why old people are cranky, because life beats you down as you age. At first I agreed. I already feel life beating me down. The scary and infuriating state of politics, losing my mom, going through health struggles of my own, a global pandemic…. the list goes on. Sometimes it does feel that life has conspired to embitter me.
But that idea has been echoing through my head lately and it got me remembering a 2021 episode of Martha Beck’s podcast titled “Elder, not Older.”
art by Pamela Colman Smith
Age is psychological as much as it is physiological. That’s the basic concept Martha shared, and the one I’ve been sitting with lately. Some of us are old when we are young. This may be because life circumstances force you to grow up quickly. Or it may be simply because you are wise beyond your years, an old soul. And some of us are young when we are old: retaining playfulness, curiosity and self-expression even as the years pile on. This is the way of the Elder.
Of course, some of us are simply old when we are old: stuck in our ways, angry, bitter. This is the way of the Older. I can see that becoming a very real possibility for myself, and I don’t like it.
It’s important to acknowledge how much of this is cultural. Martha points out that in modern Western society we are set up to create Olders not Elders. This is very different in indigenous cultures and other parts of the world. So what am I (we) to do, being stuck in the time and culture that I exist within? How can we intentionally become Elders?
The Gaian Tarot retitles the court cards so instead of Page, Knight Queen and King we have Child, Explorer, Guardian and Elder. We took inspiration here and followed this nomenclature in the Spacious Tarot as well. How might these cards support us in becoming elders ourselves?
Perhaps a good starting place is considering how we interpret the Kings/Elders in general. In the guidebook for the Gaian Tarot, Joanna Powell Colbert writes “Elders give counsel and stand for the qualities of dissemination and decay.”
In the guidebook for the Spacious Tarot, I wrote “The Elder has mastery of their suit. They project the energy of their suit outward upon the world. They lead through action.” This is somewhat of a contrast to the Queen/Guardian, whom I define as having an internal mastery of their suit and leading by example. Though I also think it’s safe to say that as the ultimate embodiment of their suit, the Elder can have both an internal and external adeptness in their suit. That is to say, as an Elder, you are keenly aware of the way each suit manifests both within your psyche and in the world around you.
My way of viewing the court cards was very much influenced by Joan Bunning. She writes of the Kings/Elders: “A King is mature and masculine. He is a doer whose focus is outward on the events of life. He demonstrates authority, control and mastery in some area associated with his suit. A King’s style is strong, assertive and direct. He is concerned with results and practical, how-to matters.” Of course, I’m not as into the gendered aspect, but if you consider gender as only a metaphor here it still works.
On that note, I quite admire Gail Fairfield’s simple and elegant way of interpreting the cards. Fairfield says that although many decks show traditionally masculine depictions of the Kings, “it is important to remember that the concept of king-ness exists outside of gender.”
I would add the concept of King-ness (or Elder-ness) also exists outside of age. I alluded to this earlier with the notion that some of us are old when we are young and vice versa. It’s safe to say that becoming an Elder does not just happen by reaching a certain birthday. Becoming an Elder is a way of being, an approach to life.
Martha Beck has this perspective on what differentiates Elder from older: “If you stagnate, if you stop allowing flow in any area of your life, if you hang on to the way you want things to be, the way they were when you were young, you will be old tomorrow. I don’t care if you’re fifteen or if you’re one hundred and five. You will be old, old, old if you hang on to the way things have been and the way you want them to be.
But if you let go and let go, and come to see impermanence as the flow of your life. Impermanence, transience, the continuous change of reality. If you come to love it, allow every change that comes, you will always be young, even if you live 2000 years.”
Let’s look at each King/Elder card individually and imagine how they might represent becoming older… and becoming ELDER.
King of Swords / Elder of Swords
Older traits: the suit of swords represents the mental realm. An ‘older’ trait of the King of Swords would be firmly believing your own thoughts and accepting them as the only possible reality. If you never change your mind, you’re becoming metaphorically older regardless of age. If you refuse to consider things from someone else’s perspective, you’re becoming older.
Your inner King of Swords could fall into confirmation bias. Only allowing in information that aligns with your pre-conceived notions. Be wary of finding yourself in information bubbles where everyone else shares your beliefs.
You know the saying “do as I say, not as I do?” That’s older King of Swords energy right there. Being able to articulate your morals is worthless if you don’t embody them. Even if your criticisms of others are accurate they don’t matter because you can’t truly change someone else. You can only focus on walking your own talk.
Elder traits: If you listen as much as you talk you’re on your way to being the Elder of Swords. If instead of rushing to judgement, you take in all of the information shared with you before coming to a conclusion, you’re doing something right.
And the Elder of Swords diversifies the information they allow in. Specifically seek out folks with a different lived experience than yours and consider their views. The point isn’t always to change your mind. Sometimes you’ll change your mind, and that’s great! Other times, you’ll remain steadfast in your long held beliefs. That’s okay too! The key is a willingness to deeply ponder new information.
King of Pentacles/ Elder of Pentacles
Older traits: sticking to the same tired-ass routines that aren’t serving you. Doing draining, self-sabotaging things out of habit. Telling yourself ‘I have to do this, I should do this.” Should-ing all over yourself, as they say. A quick way to become older.
Especially in our modern Western culture we have a belief money and power can save us. That belief is a symptom of becoming older, not elder. Yes, we need money to survive. And yes, unfortunately, we live in a fucked up system where money is the only answer to some problems. But those who focus only on money and power at the expense of all the other riches life has to offer, and those who hoard money and power that could be shared within a community, are OLD ASS BITCHES.
The King of Pentacles wants to be comfortable in their environment. This can be a trait of an elder or an older depending on how it is channeled. Allowing yourself to take up your space = Elder. Shrinking into your comfort zone = older.
Elder traits: Being comfortable in your own skin is a surefire sign of becoming an elder. Sure, you can care about your appearance. But as we all know, appearance is one of the first things to change with actual physical age. Body positivity is great, but body neutrality may be an even better indicator that you’re aligning with your inner Elder of Pentacles.
The Elder of Pentacles has a certain generosity of spirit. As we’re in the realm of pentacles, this can certainly mean being generous with your money, time, skills and other resources. But it’s also just an energy that is hard to explain. Yet you know when you are in the presence of someone who is generous of spirit. They don’t rush. They are at home in the moment. They are present.
King of Wands/ Elder of Wands
Older traits: “Hey you kids, get off of my lawn!” There’s a fiery exuberance to the suit of wands. When this is channeled into being metaphorically older, it can look like anger and indignance. You have a short fuse. You blow up over insignificant things. Basically the Simpsons stereotype of the old man yelling at clouds.
Wands can also be showy. If you insist on holding center stage and always being the focal point of attention, you might just be getting older. I mean, not to point fingers, but you know that thing where the Boomers are currently holding on to positions of political power and not really making room for younger generations to step in? Yeah…
Elder traits: I hope I have made it clear by now that the use of the phrase ‘older’ in this post is mostly metaphorical. But here’s something related to literal age. In our society, we have an unspoken belief that people (especially women) should fade away as they age.
But if you bring out your inner Elder of Fire, you will certainly NOT be willing to shrink away, regardless of your age. You will dress the way that you want to dress. You will do what you desire to do. You will continue to show up and make noise and express yourself. Instead of fading away, you become brighter.
King of Cups/ Elder of Cups
Older traits: the emotionality of this suit can bring about “woah is me” sentiments. Mourning the past, wishing the present was different… we circle back here to what Martha Beck says. Water wants to flow. If you are stagnant, you are becoming older.
The saying “back in my day…” is a cliché for a reason. Regardless of actual age, anyone can get stuck in a rose-colored view of the past. I’m certainly prone to this myself. Looking back fondly on days gone by is one thing. Constantly yearning for a version of the past that is most likely largely imagined is another.
It isn’t all just whininess though. Being as keenly in tune with emotions as the King of Cups is not easy. The pain of the world feels so vast and is so real. Becoming older can look like succumbing to despair.
Elder traits: opening to the presence of hope as strongly as the presence of despair. Not denying personal or collective pain, but not ruminating in it. Sychronizing yourself with the entire spectrum of the emotional landscape of each moment. And of course, letting that emotional landscape crescendo and decrescendo.
In the words of Rainer Maria Rilke: “let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.” This is wisdom from the Elder of Cups.
As we wrap up, I encourage you to consider your personal relationship to each of these court cards. In what ways does each tarot King inspire you on your journey to becoming an elder?