A few moons ago I was stuck, frozen, listless. I wanted to live creatively. I wanted to write and dye my hair and tell the truth and be a general badass. But I was not taking any action. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was afraid (terrified) of letting myself really want what I wanted. Wanting something makes you vulnerable. Wanting something means you run the risk of not getting it.
When I couldn’t take the pain any longer, I was compelled to sit down and write a bucket list. I’d never done so before, and it took all the strength I could muster to ignore the voice in my head telling me that this act was pointless.
When I finished writing, a veil was lifted in my consciousness. A block I had been harboring for years had been loosened. I knew this was a significant act, but I couldn’t articulate why until a few years later when I discovered Danielle LaPorte and heard her talk about giving yourself permission to want what you want.
That’s what I had done when I wrote a list of things I wanted to accomplish, achieve and experience.
I had given myself permission to actually want what I wanted.
Immense masses of the human population prevent themselves from really, truly owning their desires. They tell themselves what they want is unrealistic, immature, impossible, selfish. People who could bring forth joy, healing and innovation are unable to take the first step because they can’t give themselves permission to want what they want.
Some of us manage to go half-in on our desires. We put our feet in the water, but we’re cautious. We stay distant and aloof to protect ourselves. We play coy. We are diluted. This is a game I’ve mastered, and it can go on for a lifetime. But if you’re not fully owning your desires, you’re not potent. And if you’re not potent, you’re only half alive.
The magic happens when you stand headfirst under the waterfall, immersed in your longing.
Own what you want, name it, claim it, allow it. Even if only to yourself.
This gives you the fuel you need to start the slow climb of making your desires your reality.
Let’s get to the core of the matter: we’re afraid of wanting. Wanting makes you vulnerable. You’re open to rejection. You might look like an idiot. People might laugh. You might fail epically. You might succeed wildly.
It is fucking terrifying to give yourself permission to want. Take it from me. I know, honey, I know. Even if we’re brave enough to give ourselves permission to want what we want, we’re still not guaranteed to get it. You can feel that desire – feel that yearning, craving, longing – you can feel it with every fibre of your being and still never see it come to fruition. And what then?
It has taken me this long to realize that my self-worth is not wrapped up in getting what I want. My novel might stagnate, my business might fail, people might talk, I might go broke. And that’s okay. I am always, and you are always, a glorious, shining, worthy soul.
Be bold. Be potent. Feel it. Allow yourself to want what you want.
Look your blocks, fears and weaknesses in the eye. If you’re able to take this risk, you’re in for the ride of a lifetime. Hang on tight.
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